The Second Phase of The Awakened Somnambulist: The Purge

The Awakened Somnambulist has survived its first shift. Understanding the true essence of survival is something we learn while going through this process of changes in our lives. What we have discovered already was merely the beginning.

There is no need for us to be alarmed. It is expected to feel uncertain at this point. Things that are about to happen will shake us. Despite the roughness of it all, we will take the challenge head-on. We are meant to get through this.

We are going to explore the second phase of The Awakened Somnambulist. This phase is a massive purge of emotions, where wounds from the past, hurtful memories, and ego-ruled actions will lead to questionable behavior. During this phase, we might feel so strongly disconnected from ourselves that we lose recognition of who we truly are.

When we are in the purging phase, we will let all our emotions out. There will be:

• Anger, which comes out in actions such as intense shaking, screaming, and destroying things.
• Sorrow, which comes out in uncontrollable sobbing and tears when things become the slightest bit emotional.
• Self-soothing tendencies that could lead to overeating, drinking, and other destructive behaviors to numb the pain.

And these are only to name a few symptoms.

It is important to note that these behaviors are often unpredicted. As we are in a stage of purging, all the suppressed and buried emotions and memories will come to face us. It may feel as if facing our inner demons while kept in bondage to the emotional shifts of highs and lows. Despite the challenges and aches of each emotion, the purging provides invaluable lessons.

To put things into perspective, I share my personal experiences of the stages I have been through and still slip into as The Awakened Somnambulist. During the time I was in my most prominent purge, I had zero control over my emotions. Years of hard work allowed me to continue suppressing my feelings, and each time I stumbled upon uncomfortable emotions, I numbed that pain with more work.

When work was unavailable, other obsessions took its place to stay unaware. Hiding my fears and neglecting my traumatic memories became a tactic for survival. That is until my body could no longer bear the lack of witnessing the damage and self-destruction.

Have you, too, experienced the desperation of filling your time and energy with anything to continue in the high-functioning and sleepwalking state?

Our bodily systems are far more potent than what we acknowledge them for. We may think we can proceed and act as if no harm was brought upon ourselves. However, after reading Bessel van der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, I learned that trauma is stored in muscle memory and the physical body.

The absence of intention towards myself and years of living in a blur finally caught up to me. One day, the memories once buried started to impose on me and came back like flashes. It took me even more years to comprehend that the flashes were tied to emotions, especially emotions that carried guilt and shame.

When I forcibly pushed the thoughts and images away, as the nature of our brain functions, more of the thoughts and even more vivid images were produced. I lived this way most of my life in a dance between receiving and shaking the thoughts. The more I tried to eliminate them, the more stubborn they became.

At the time, it wasn't apparent that emotions are meant to be dealt with instead of hidden away. I came to a point where I was defeated and fell victim to the intrusive thoughts.

When going through the past – segued by flashbacks – there is a prominent trauma-based response that has patiently waited for years to be attended to. Due to the lack of self-awareness, together with the severe overwhelm, we start to blame the people who inflicted that traumatic event or circumstance upon us.

As resentment grows and daily emotional purges relieve the pent-up hurt, we forget that the people who caused us pain are humans, suffering in the same ways as we suffer. Instead, we see them as what they have brought upon us. Our sense of reality becomes vague and driven by fear.

When we don't have the tools to work on ourselves and reflect on what is happening within us and why we experience the intensity years later, we allow ourselves to walk with hatred in our hearts. Unjustly contributing to the uglies of what trauma can construct.

I am here to guide you because I don't want you to suffer or feel defeated during these phases in life. At the time of my purging phase, I did not understand a single thing about what trauma was, although I experienced its effects daily.

As years went by and I stumbled through the phases of trauma, healing, awakening, destruction, and going in repeated cycles, I learned to understand the reason why all of it came back. It's an opportunity to learn from the past, rewrite the stories we were told, and continuously tell ourselves.

Unexpectedly, misery becomes an invaluable life lesson that comes into our lives at divine timing.

This phase is essential for healing our lives. Imagine our entire being deciding to no longer carry this burden and giving ourselves the grace of self-cleansing and releasing all of the haunting past. The things that come out will be nasty and unfiltered. Once we have uncovered dust and dirt, we discover that beauty still resides within us.

We need this purge phase to cleanse thoroughly. We are releasing the old, stuffed trauma to make room for a vibrant life. Even though we may have difficulties seeing a healthy and wholesome future, knowing that when we allow ourselves to heal, life shortly settles into peace and tranquility.

Our main focus during the purging phase is to be present and allow it to happen. We are observing without resentment and being mindful of each moment. By doing this, despite the discomfort, we will soon become resilient to the obstacles in our lives.

Let's grant ourselves the understanding of why these emotions are coming up instead of criticizing them. During this phase, we discover great things about ourselves that will soon propel us into the life that we long for.

Envisioning the healing with the desired outcome and locating that sweet spot of our pure intentions will guide us to take full advantage of the perceived pain and regarding with compassion.

There are many ways to go about expressing ourselves during the purging phase. Describing it with words alone can be insufficient at times, especially when we experience that cognitive dissonance of simultaneous emptiness and fullness.

That is where drawing, painting, sculpting, making music, or any other creative outlet can explain our sensations in ways that work best for us. The creations can be seen as story-telling, entirely driven according to our needs, expressing ourselves in ways to gain solid and concrete knowledge of ourselves in this process.

It is a time for us to validate ourselves in contrast to the years of self-neglect. If we cling to self-criticism and pessimism, we will be stuck in the purging phase until we conquer our shadows.

It's critical to distinguish between compassion and pity, where compassion comes from a place of understanding, whereas pity is often interpreted as deprecation once received.

While going through the purging phase, there will be times when we need isolation from the outside world and its stimulus to make ourselves smaller and stay away from obligations. This intense phase is daunting for our inner children, and they will find ways to protest the have-to's of our adult lives.

Suppose we are leaning more toward the opposite. Instead, we fill our days with as many interactions and socializing as possible, meaning that we resist the purge by continuing to silence our intrusive thoughts and keep ourselves distracted. By choosing the latter, we stay in the purging phase for longer until we bring ourselves to remain in silence with our intrusive thoughts and shadows.

If complete self-isolation is needed, setting a timeline for this isolation is necessary. The isolation gives us a chance to understand the life shifts and recover from the purge. By allowing ourselves to have breakdowns, we learn to express our emotions even when the timing is not entirely right.

It is a period where we discover that emotions can't be placed on shelves. Even if we act out inappropriately, we set the groundwork for future control over emotional impulses. Gently informing our friends, families, or close people that we require space to clear our minds will remove the pressure of asking for social interaction.

When we feel brave, we may also ask for forgiveness in advance for our short temper and ask for patience while working on finding a way to a steady path. Many of us have people who misunderstand our good intentions and choose to see the melodrama of our healing journey. That is when we ask ourselves how much information we are willing to share with others.

We are not obliged to share everything we feel. Rather, including others can be seen as selfless, as we often forget our importance to our loved ones. Informing and including them in our lives, despite the ups and downs, can either be what we need or what we stay away from. We reflect on it for ourselves, as one life circumstance vastly differs from the other.

Setting clear boundaries with people who may not understand us is a valid form of self-preservation by protecting our inner peace.

Although many things will happen during this phase, it is a time we practice patience. We stay patient through the discomfort, heaviness, confusion, and lack of control. We endure and commit to ourselves by being compassionate and patient through the purge to finally release everything weighing us down.

Compassion and patience are key elements for us to persevere through the purge. When we allow things to happen without trying to take control, we come closer to our healed state.

The purge is happening because we have been in control for too long. This phase is a life lesson for us to learn to release. Once we have done that and surrendered to the purge, we will start coming out of this phase.

There is hope, after all. Staying present in our thoughts and feelings assists us in unpacking the years of baggage we have been carrying. How we go about during this phase will determine what the following phases in life will look like.

Journaling and healing sound baths can be helpful during this phase if we want to fully understand ourselves. Placing thoughts on paper will help us look back and see the progress we have made thus far.

I would personally not suggest meditation as a solution, specifically at the beginning of this phase, as it can leave us with a sense of no control and provoke anxiety. However, when we feel ready to take new steps in our healing journey, guided meditations can train us to grow resilient over time.

Asking ourselves compassion-based questions rather than difficult-to-dissect questions is far more beneficial in this phase. Please feel free to gain inspiration from the bullet points below:

• When feeling emotionally starved - "What do I need at this very moment to nurture myself?"
• When feeling emotionally overwhelmed - "What activities can I channel this excess energy into?"
• When feeling the need to isolate from the world, Ask yourself or a higher power for clarity and ease during this process. Faith and trust in yourself are beautiful ways of filling your own cup.

Thank you for taking the time to read. Please share your thoughts and feedback with me if you have any suggestions for me to keep in mind. Your reflections and wisdom help me and my platform to grow. Reach out to my e-mail contact@theawakenedsomnambulist.com to stay in touch.

Love,

The Awakened Somnambulist

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